Ander Man

Ander turned one last week. I followed him around the yard (in weather that with humidity felt like 111*- only one of us minded) and took some pics of him playing. He has so many different expressions and looks that I wanted to try to catch just a few before they morph and change into something even more grown up.
I think back to September 21 of 2009 and I have to admit, a bit selfishly, that it was kind of a big day for me. It marked the first time that I faced the fact that I now lived in a different country and I began the very long process of accepting it. From the time we landed in Taipei until the moment I delivered Ander, I was very much in survival mode and the first thing I needed to do was have that baby. Don't talk to me about anything else until I have done that.
The second thing was that I was able to accomplish a personal goal of mine which was to have a baby naturally. There were many reasons why and some are too personal to share here but let's leave it at- it was something I wanted to do for myself.

I am surprised to find that countless times over the last year when faced with something that seemed too difficult, almost subconsciously I knew I could do it because of my experience giving birth to Ander. A large part of it was being prepared, like any challenge we face in life. But I have also come to believe that birth is meant to be a gift from our Heavenly Father where he shows his daughters how strong and capable we are.

(I have this urge to write more about how I am not judging any one else's birth choices (hey, I have 4 kids and one was quote, natural) nor am I ungrateful for the help and safety doctors have provided several of my family/friends. But I also just wanted to share that I was surprised and grateful for my natural birth experience.)
And as the months went on I finally faced my new reality of stinky, confusing, strange Taiwan where as I had heretofore been a competent adult, I was now illiterate and unable to communicate. I felt depression was imminent. Yet I had this sweet little bundle who needed me and whose hungry little cries forced me out of bed and my selfish/blue moods. I had a happy, healthy, sweet little baby to hang on to when I was having my regular "I HATE TAIWAN" days, and I knew that was more than some have. I think Ander's appearance, though the timing at first seemed obnoxious and inconvenient to our plans, turned out to be my saving grace in my fight against culture shock.
The last thing I wanted to say, and I know, you're thinking, how could there possibly be more?! But having had my first 3 children in Boise, swarmed and surrounded by family and friends- my experience here in Taiwan was obviously much ... different. I thought for sure I would mourn my family missing each new milestone Ander would make. And there have definitely been days when I wish everyone who would care, could see how dang cute my little man is.

But the reality is Ander has had many, many more people love on him and express his blatant adorableness or early mobility, or whatever it may be. They were mostly just perfect strangers. Perfect Asian strangers. I never would have thought it, but these Taiwanese people have loved my little baby. And I needed them to. Does that make sense?

Stopping me on the street to squeeze his chubby thigh and induce a dimpled smile around his two fingers in his mouth- echoes of "hoa ke ai" ( so cute) following us through crowded market streets- or a favorite, being surrounded in the Taiwan airport on our way home this summer, all of these grandmas taking turns squeezing the stuffin' out of Ander and then passing him on to the next grandma. They may not know him but I know they loved him, and that he made their day just like he would've his own grandmas.

K- that's not to say there haven't been a few creepers or annoying people trying to take pictures, but on the whole, the gestures were innocent and kind.
Maybe because with each child you realize more and more how time unfairly slips away when you have a new baby, but I tried really hard to take each moment to snuggle up this sweet boy of mine. Wonder if that had anything to do with why he started crawling and walking earlier- to escape? But I think not since even now in the midst of his literal running around the room, he still comes to me for hugs, I bend down and he leans in and pats my shoulder. If that doesn't melt your heart, you should get that checked out because you probably don't have one.