Just Slightly Defensive

Anyone in the mood for a rant? Because we are going on one month out from this incident and I still find I need to vent. Or defend, whichever.
People have really strong feelings about families flying with children. I know this from a super in depth study I did, called reading the comments on a CNN article, basically about whether or not people should fly with children. I was beyond shocked at the polarized comments. Oh wow, just thinking about it gets me incredibly defensive all over again. If you aren't in the mood for a one sided rant, by all means, pass on this post.
The fact of the matter is this: flying is really just mass transportation. No matter what "class" you are in, after enough hours of travel we are all reduced to stinky people in wrinkly clothes, passed out with our mouths open and our necks in an awkward position. But for some reason, and we've seen it time and again, some adults really believe that there are certain rights they are entitled to. Poor, delusional, spoiled people who seem to think that their ticket, that cost the same as mine, somehow entitles them to a silent, comfortable, peaceful flight. If that is the case, would someone mind taking this tired and cranky toddler off my hands for the duration of the fight? Cuz I have rights when I fly!

People in the comment section seemed to take a tone of "Parents really just shouldn't travel with children"- as if we are all off on some frivolous exotic holiday. And they complained loudly of negligent parents who "did absolutely nothing" when their child melted down. Admittedly, we have been that family traveling to some pretty cool holidays before. But more often than not, we are traveling to and from home, which is Taiwan, and happens to be about 24 hours away from Boise. I submit to you that my family, and those of our expat friends, have perhaps more right than most to be traveling, especially traveling with all of our little ones in tow. We have made many sacrifices to live overseas, and there really is no other feasible way for us to travel home.

To address the "lazy parent syndrome" I read so much about, well, I'm sure there are on occasion, parents who really don't care what their children do on flights. But I feel like I may have a pretty good idea of what is actually taking place most of the time. I often wish we had like a flag or something, that we carried with us that had a digital clock displaying how long we have been traveling. So people would know.
Every time we board that last relatively short flight from San Francisco to Boise, I just hold my breath. It is by then, around 3am for my children, they usually haven't slept and are in various stages of meltdowns. They may seem overly sensitive, cranky, or really silly, one can never predict. But the people on the small flight never know why my children are behaving this way. It's not really fair actually, and I hate the judgement.
There comes a time when traveling with toddlers and babies especially, when you have done everything you can do. Grant it, in your one little square foot of space, there is much less to actually do to keep children happy. Everyone else around you is certainly hoping your child will have better-than-church behavior for the duration of the flight and the pressure is on the parents to make this happen. Nathan and I try every trick in the book to keep our kiddos quiet and happy. They generally do really well.But sometimes, children just hit the proverbial wall. They don't care about your stupid toys, special treats, and calming words. They aren't hungry, they are overly tired but cannot or will not sleep. They don't want to be held and they don't want to be left in their seat. At that point there is truly nothing left to do. At that point, I may become the parent who does nothing when their child melts down because the unfortunate reality is this: THERE IS NOTHING TO BE DONE.
I believe this is usually when my fellow mass transit peeps get frustrated, because their imaginary rights are being infringed. As you might understand, I don't feel very sorry for them, as I am too busy dealing with a little one who has been up without sleep for 20+ hours (*actually, I really do feel terrible. I am a total anxiety case anytime my children are tired and fussy).
The last issue I have has to do with Business Class. There is no rule against children or babies in Business Class. My children travel enough that they accumulate enough miles to occasionally upgrade themselves to Business Class. We have also been upgraded by the airline after massive mistakes they made and I know that many companies pay for their employees and their families to travel Business Class when they move to and from overseas. If each member of your family had enough miles to upgrade to Business class, would you use them or would you cower to the looks and occasional shaking of heads we have had in the past as we boarded?

Okay. Finally. We've arrived to the most recent grievance.
 On our way home this summer we used our miles to upgrade to Business Class. The first problem was apparent when our seats were not together as we requested. We were seated 2,2,2 and 1. Yeah, that isn't going to work. It ended up that Kennedy and Kohen were sitting in between one extremely nice gentlemen and one extremely rude dude (both Western, R.D. was in his 60's). There was also a man who had Ander on one side, the isle and then me and Scarlett. I will name this man the Big Bad Wolf. Why? Because he huffed, and he puffed with every little sound Ander made. These sounds were the soft sounds of a little boy playing quietly with a car in his lap, by the way. But the huffing and puffing continued, with the occasional rubbing of his forehead and eyes. I could not believe his bold body language and at one point I looked directly at him and said loudly, "Seriously?". He quieted down some after that.
The last 1/4 of the flight Scarlett was what can only be described as fussy. She was exhausted but refused to sleep. I stood with her for more than an hour to give the Big Bad Wolf an undeserved break, only to be closer to the Rude Dude who was sitting by a really well behaved Kennedy and Kohen. Come to find out later he was extremely rude to them, crossly telling them things like, "Don't touch me! Go the other way!", when Kohen had to cross his completely outstretched legs to use the restroom. He also told Aly who was waiting patiently in the isle for the drink service to pass so she could go back to her seat after using the RR, to "Go Away!" and at one point woke Kennedy up saying "Is that your brother or your sister crying?!" Yeah. Had we known about this during the flight, that jerk would have known the full wrath of this bear of a mama. I was tired, and anxious and my nerves were frayed and I would have been a headline news story on CNN on how some lady had to be taken off of the plane in handcuffs after attacking a passenger. True story.
The situation peaked when they were turning on the lights to serve everyone breakfast before we land. At that point Nathan brought back a fussy and pretty inconsolable Scarlett to me since everyone was now being woken up anyway.  As he walked past the Rude Dude he kind of shouted at Nathan, "Can I ask you what the F*** you're thinking bringing kids in Business Class?!" He fully used an inappropriate "F" word, and it wasn't FART. In a moment that I will be forever proud of, my husband walked right on by that donkey's behind, as he couldn't be bothered to stoop low enough to even respond. I think we've established I wouldn't have been so self restrained...
R.D. had some loud comments to the Flight Attendants too but they weren't hearing it. Completely shut it down. But I was feeling absolutely awful until we landed and several people went out of their way to tell us our kids were well behaved, and that they felt sorry for the baby, but wow, our children did great overall, etc.
Our last flight from Narita to Taipei we boarded Business Class (following some serious persuasion from Nathan after I told him near tears that I was done. I could not go any further that day. Couldn't we just sleep now and catch a flight tomorrow?!)  and the nice guy who Kohen and Kennedy sat by was sitting there. I stopped to apologize and say thank you for sitting by them and he fully cut me off and said, "No. Don't apologize. Your children were great. They were awesome. You have great kids." By then I was so emotional and exhausted that I nearly choked up. I walk back to my seat... and there sat the Big Bad Wolf. I had had enough of his ways and Nathan asked the Flight Attendant to ask him to move. He did. Now he could huff and puff from afar.
The last flight is 3 ish hours and everyone was so tired they mostly slept.
But still. Some guy had actually sworn at us. Because he was frustrated that a baby was crying. As if he never was one. As if he communicated at a higher level when he was 11 months old. I am truly embarrassed for that man. And surprised by the lack of compassion for the helpless state EVERY SINGLE adult has once been in!
For the first few days I was embarrassed. But after talking with friends this righteous indignation started. We have every right to fly. With children. Even in Business Class. And when you fly with the masses no one has the guarantee of a quiet, restful, comfortable flight. I am sorry to be the bearer of such news, but it's true. Was it awful that Scarlett cried? Yes. But I think a persons behavior in this situation of a single 12 hour portion of their life, actually says a lot about who you really are. When only strangers are watching.
Clearly, I have a VERY one sided view. I would love to hear other people's opinions, though. As the Rude Dude and The B.B.W. proved, sometimes it is hard to have sympathy for points of view you don't understand.