Little Ms. Muffet

As I was helping Kennedy find her shoes while we prepared to leave for school she suddenly stops and calmly calls my attention to what she is observing. I too am calm until I realize what she is looking at. A spider. Huge, black, hairy, with monstrous fangs...okay... maybe not the fangs, but how do you know if he didn't have them? Exactly. I wasn't taking any chances. I hollered at Kennedy (who was strangely unmoved by the arachnid) to "GET BACK!!" and then I stood there panicking and sweating trying to quickly think of a solution. As I look back on it now it is almost comical how the spider just sat there on the floor completely still as if hoping we hadn't seen him and the hollering wasn't about him, and maybe in a moment or two he would discreetly make his escape. Not likely since he was seriously the size of a quarter. And he wasn't all long skinny legs either. No, he was very...thick. He looked like he'd had the same trainer as Marion Jones; and I am pretty sure he wanted to eat me. Anyway, there were a plethora of shoes about (good cuz I could theoretically smash him, bad cuz had one of those shoes been his home??? Ughh) but I didn't smash him for several reasons. He was on my carpet and I imagined some huge gory stain and also because when I was in 5th grade I was at my friends house and we tried to kill a giant spider with a shoe but realized too late that trying to smash a spider with soccer cleats is less than effective...still traumatized by that...Anyway. I frantically threw a shoe box over him and then bolstered my insanity plea by balancing a big Halloween bin on top of the shoe box, as if the spider might bench press the box off of himself or something. At the time it seemed like a reasonable threat. I quickly evacuated my children to the car and once we were safely on the road and in the rear view I didn't spot a shoe box with a big orange bin on it chasing us- I took a few breaths and called who I always call when I am in a pinch here in VA...Rosie. I asked her if she would please come kill the spider...Oh yes, I did. Thankfully she had taken care of my 'situation' before I arrived back home. I can't believe I was such a wuss I had to out source a bug squashing. I can usually kill spiders no problem. But I do have size restrictions. Pretty much when they start looking more like wolves than spiders, I'm out. I was so unbelievably grateful to Rosie for fulfilling my ridiculous request that I had to get her a little something as a thank you. Aren't you all glad you don't live closer so I wasn't calling you for help???!!!