You know what I hate? And yes, hate is a strong word but I repeat, you know what I hate? When I open the stall door in a public restroom and find this:
Say hello to the Squater. Unfortunately, Squaters can be found in restrooms all over Taiwan and Asia. They seem to mock me at every full-bladdered turn. As much as Aly claims "that's not for me, it's for boys!" she is sadly mistaken. These little babies are quite aptly named and I'm not sure any further explanation on my part would clear up their use any better than the name does. I always enter the stall with dread, avoiding any wet areas on the ground around the Squater telling myself- it's just water from the previous flush, it couldn't be that someone before me has missed the narrow porcelain strip. Impossible... Impossible like Obama winning the Nobel Peace Prize...
The Squater tests your ability to relax while simultaneously testing your balance, leg strength and stamina. Kind of like patting your head and rubbing your tummy. I'd like to share two ways I have discovered to enhance the Squater challenge, the P90x of Squating if you will.
First one, I was 10 months + 2 days pregnant. No bar for stability or help. Ever done a squat when you were that pregnant? Exactly. It's ludicrous and you'll be lucky to recover from such a squat. I barely did.
Now for the Grand Finale. Picture me with a 14lb sleeping baby strapped to my mid-section in a Baby Bjorn, 4 straps to the carrier hanging down randomly. Now quit picturing me cuz that's kinda weird. But just know that I successfully used this not-quite-commode, and emerged with all four straps plus 2 baby feet dry, and had a still sleeping baby. Seriously, I defy you to recreate such nonsense (a squat to the floor holding 2- two liter bottles, say) and you will see how if they gave medals for Stellar Squater usage, I would've just won the Gold.
14 comments:
What the H!!! SERIOUSLY! Erin, this is the scariest post. I don't know if I should laugh or cry. Who on this earth would invent such a thing? I mean come on!!! A hole in the floor and no seat to sit on.....hmmmm. RIDIC!!
unfreaking believable!! Has Ally used one yet, I think Abby would have a melt down.
I really have to applaud you. I know exactly how difficult those toilets are without a pregnant belly, sleeping baby, straps etc. Not to mention the fact that the toilet paper is a BYO policy. I'm not sure how, but I kinda got used to it. xoxo
Okay, do they not have handicapped people over there? or pregnant ones for that matter. Is everyone shorter and, therefore, closer to the ground? Pure torture! Add that to your complaints for festivus 2010.
Really all I can think is...splatter. Is that inappropriate?
disgusting. I have a cousin who thought you were supposed to sit on the floor. She got soaked- ew. Kim told me the Americanized toilets there commonly have footprints on the seat- have you seen this? Make me just laugh out loud to think them standing on top of the toilet seat to squat... probably hating americans :)
I'm impressed! The first time I heard of one of these things was from a friend of mine who was on vacation. She got super, super sick and had to run to the bathroom. To her horror she found . . . Yep, and then after she almost passed out, she discovered there was no toilet paper.
I was in China town in San Fransico and had to use the facilities. There was only a hole in the ground, you would gag just looking at it. I won't even go into the smell, or the lack of aiming experience. What are they thinking. YOu should have a belt to put notches on for each of these crazy feets that you are faces with and want to or not have to over come. Aunt Cindy
Wow! the pictures you conjure up!
:)
You should practice at home, just to get your strength up. Maybe like Heather said - just stand on your own toilet to get more of a feel for it! Ha! That's awful.
Well, actually I did need to use a few of these in my time AND while being pregnant but only at 7 months not 10. BUT I am a bit taller so the floor is a longgggg way away for me. I quickly learned where the "good" toilets could be found. As for my kids the first three were boys so we were mostly safe but NOT always! Oh the pure JOY of life!
Oh my I have never heard of those, WOW!
You are kidding me!!! That is seriously messed up! I can't believe they expect people to do that! Wow! I'm proud of your leg strength and balance.
kj
ahhhhh! This is terrifying! I am incredible impressed at both or your masterful attempts, and hope I never find myself in those shoes! How hysterical (in retrospect of course).
Erin, you crack me up. I love reading your blog. Seriously, I can't believe that with there is actually such a thing as a squatter. I'm glad that you took a picture or I wouldn't have believed it.
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